Hey all
I think everyone will be sick of me by now, all i talk about is my relationship, but i got no one else to talk to atm, everyone is busy with their own life and relationships that don’t have time for me to talk to them.
This is the first break up i’ve had, and i’m struggling to handle it, i feel like i’m been really fake atm, i try so hard to hind everything from my friends, i appear to be okey, appear to be actually dealing with it and actually getting to the end of the break up session. However the truth is that i’m dealing with difficulities, how can i forget everything when it’s a relationship that lasted for 2 half yrs nearly 3 yrs on the 19th. How can i just ignor the feelings ihave, how can i just stop calling him?
Everyday i go to work, on the way home i think of him, i think of random things about him, the memories we shared and had together. At work, i work my ass off and not a thought comes to mind, then work ends, i think of him again, and till i go home, i write my diary on my laptop, and look at the pictures we took back then, we looked so happy together, our laughter looks so natural, so in love. Yet the longer i look at it, the more i want to cry and tears still do slowly crawlling out of my eyes.
I question why is so hard to get over this relationship, why can’t i act normal, why can’t i be happy? Why can’t i feel happy inside, it’s not like life isn’t good for me, it is good, but i’m just not happy, i once knew what happiness was, but right now i only understand what emptyness means.
Hey all
I have few question to ask everyone, and really want to hear what everyone thinks.
My ex bf gaved me a 2 yr anniversary ring, it was the most beautiful ring i have ever seen in my whole life. however, i gaved back to him on the day of break up, because i thought there was no use for me to have it if we’ve broke up. Also having it would only remind me of him.
Therefore i have been desperatly searching, searching for a replacement, i have found rings that i love, but i don’t love it as much as the ring i had. I can’t get over the desperationg of wanting the ring, i don’t want the relationship, i just want the ring coz i love it so much. I know it probably will bring back memories, but it’s good memories and not bad. He also said himself i can have it back, it doesn’t fit him lol joking.
Question: Do you think i can ask it back? Would it cause any misunderstanding? Should i give something back if his giving me the ring back? In the rule book of break ups is asking things back a bad idea?
Plz help me.
Thank you all.
Hey all
I think you all probably wil be sick of me after hearing so many of my stories of my relationship problems. So instead of typing what i want to say i’m going to write it out in a poem (it’s just lots of words, but don’t rthym like normal poem do lol)
Where is your heart at this moment of time?
Unknown, because it’s not where it was
Right now it’s just lost in the mess
Lost in the world of break ups
Would it ever be found again?
Uncertainty is the answer
Can it ever be back to it’s original beating way?
Only time can tell
It once was full of love, full of happiness and full of passion
But right now it’s hurt, It’s empty, it’s hollow, it’s a cast
Would it ever heal again?
Only time can heal the wound
Feels though emotions are out of control
Feels though having an out of body experience
Not sure what’s happening any more
Can’t decide any more
Can’t see the way out any more
Only using others as companion, to fill the empty space
However it only last for short amount of time
Scared that emotions might take over and make wrong decisions
Still waking up in the morning feeling empty,
Feeling the day is another boring day, and just repetitive
Wondering when saying “I’m okey” is it really true?
Wondering if the face is hinding away the tears, the true form of emptiness
Putting a smile in front of friends, is it really the real smile?
Is everything I do a fake scene?
When can this end?
When can this pain go away?
When I can wake up and be happy that it’s a new day?
When can I can smile and not feel fake
Hi all
As i said in previous entry, career wise my life is pretty good, but relationship wise i’m doing terribly and gets worse by the day.
I think everyone would remember that my bf is Australian and I’m chinese born. We’ve had our ups and downs because of culture differences and we’ve always made it through but this time it’s the big thing. He broke off the relationship 6 days ago, because we live far from each other, for him to drive would take about 1 and half on the road and for me to take transport it takes about the same time. Also i still have problems with my parents regarding my relationship with him. He sees this and really do try to fix it but in the end it just can’t be fixed, we can’t just move in together like other couples, coz both parents don’t approve of it, we can’t just buy a house together because we don’t have the money and even if we do, i’ll have to live in the city but then that would cost a lot for both of us. Also we both have shift work as a nurse, the shift work would can’t allow us to to see each other so often like a normal couple. Therefore we broke up.
I have been crying ever since the whole thing happened, i can’t believe how much tears i am inside me till now, my work is the only thing the allows me not to think about him or the situation therefore i won’t need to cry. However, when i stop doing things, when i come home i just can’t help but cry my eyes out, and when my parents see it, they are hurt too and they are trying their best to help but the more they help the more frustrated and annoyed i get, all i want is for them to leave me alone.
Today he called him, and we talked about the whole thing, and told him what my idea of getting back together but the still it’s not enough to fix this situation, it just can’t be fixed. So i told myself at least i tried, now i’m going to try to stop crying, stop thinking and move on in my pace and as he said, maybe after my first yr of nursing finish we can see where we at.
However, my dear readers, does anyone have any idea that might fix the situation?
Hi All
Great news, i’m graduating tomorrow, i still can’t believe i’m graduating already, man.. the three years of studying kinda just flew by so fast.
I’m sure the ppl who have read my entries in the past month would say she can’t even write a post properly and still manage to graduate lol.. don’t feel bad if anyone is thinking that, i know writing isn’t my strong point, but by hearing critics and ppl analysing my work i hope i can get better at it which then well help me in my career too.
yes i didn’t get lots of good grads in my result and yes i was expecting higher, but really it’s just a number, it’s just result that allows you get to the stage of graduation. Now all it matters is if you can put your theory to practice.
Yes i do worry about if i have retain all the theory in my head and can use it to practice, but there isn’t much i can do really, it’s really just up to the surroundings and the problems i face once start working. Deep down i know clearly i will face so many obsticles so many problems it probably will give me the feeling of not belonging into the industry or the career path i chose for myself. However i know that is the learning curve of everything isn’t it, it’s when you know where are weak at and you start fixing your problem.
I am really unsurtain of anything i do next year, i have no idea where my path will lead, maybe it might change or not, i have no idea, all i know is i have got my career path all set out, all it needs is me walking on it and see where it takes me. Wish me luck and hope for the best. =)
If anyone is interested the parade starts at RMIT univesity city campus and ends at Federation square, hope everyone can come.
cheers
Hi all
Not really sure what subject i like to talk about today so just put none.
At the moment i’m looking for a new job, the current job i have is good and good pay, but i have to go different places everyday, i’m bit sick of it, i’m bit tired of not knowing who i look after the next day or not able to follow up the patient i looked after the next day. I just don’t feel right insdie, i don’t feel like i’ve settled down properly, i feel like i don’t have settle down job or a life for that matter. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, just really want a part time or full time job instead of a casual job. Kinda really want to experience life with morning working your butt off and then come home feel like you deserve the break that you got. Don’t really know how to explain what i feel, but at moment i think airy fairy is really a good words used on me.
I’m a crazy study person, but now that uni has finished, kinda lost the plot for me, don’t know what to concentrate or what to do any more? Staying home doing house work is fun but it won’t last very long, working is good but i don’t enjoy the running around in different places everyday.
All i really wish for is finding a new job that is close to home and a part time work that would be really good, i think that feels more fufiled life. I might sound like complaining and asking a lot, i’m not trying to do so, just really want a life that is not so boring and not so unsettled.
Hi all
I’m bit sad, like some advice on things, and tell me what everyone’s thoughts are.
Recently as a student of Bachelor Nursing 3rd yr, we go through a prgram called computer match, which allow us match with the ideal hospital wanted, unfortunelly i didn’t get matched, i have no idea what the reason behind it but my guess is my result wasn’t good enough compare to other students, i think that is probably were i got wrong, coz i know i did really well in my interivews.
I was shorcked from the result, it felt like you were in heave and then in an instant you’ve been just thrown into hell for no reason, i’m still in the processing of accepting the truth but it’s really hard to handle it, i’m using study to forget and just wait.
My lecture say to sent letters to the hospital and tell them even though your not matched your still interested in getting into the hospital, if there is a spot please consider me, he said to wait about 2 - 3 weeks, to others maybe it’s not long, but to me it feels like a life time. Every time i think about it, i’m terrified, why am i terrified? I’m terrified that you might not get to any the hospitals and end up in country hospitals, i do like country hospitals, coz i been to most of them already, but it’s been away from my family is what scares me, been away from the place i’m use to is also what i’m scared of.
I’m angry that i should’ve done better, i’m angry that it’s all my fault for not doing it better, my parents are worried for me but they can’t to anything and i can’t do anything either, it’s the waiting that is killing me each day.
Apart from study, the only thing that keeps me not on the verg of crying is Hope and Faith, i don’t know where i got it from, i’m just holding on to the little hope and Faith i have inside.
I feel like there is so many tears boiling inside of me, but i’m holding it, it’s not because i don’t want to cry it’s because i know crying won’t do any help.
It’s my future i’m waiting on, it’s my career i’m waiting on, even though i’m sure it won’t take me long to actually find a job else were, but if i can be accepted from a hospital, that way i won’t need to start to be a full time div 1 nurse, i can be called as graduate nures therefore there is a lot of load of pressure off me and i can learn so much in a year.
I pray to old that plz.. plz.. i really am wanting a job, it’s something i really want, and i’ve worked so hard for, and hoping i can show others that i’m not brainy like others but i have the passion and the heart to do it and learn as i go, i trully hope waiting will help me, i trully hope that holding on to my tears and holding on the little last hope i have will get me somewhere.
Hey all
It’s a long time since i’ve posted, sorry, been busy with study and all, as well as got nothing on my mind to discuss with everyone. However, last night i had a question on my mind when i came back from work, i thought to myself i feel inner peace, i feel inner calmness, i didn’t really know what i’m talking about? I’m not even religious to say such thing, but i just feel it. It’s like a calmness that is only found inside of you, not around you, i feel no worries, i feel no pressure, and i feel like i can do anything as long as i put my mind to it.. I’ve always had a thing about low confidence and low self - estem, i’ve haven’t fixed it, and haven’t bothered to fix it.. i wonder if i can keep up with the inner calmness and inner peace maybe i have a chance to fix it. What does everyone think, i would love to hear about it.. even religion.. coz my bf is catholic and i get a lot of talk out of him, i’m interested to listen..
cheers
Hi all
I think everyone who have read my previous entries would know that i’m doing my nursing bachelor at moment. I’m cureently doing my work experience, and i’ve been doing it at a ward that is a combination of midwifery and general medical.
Have to be honest, i’m never good with kids, it’s not that i don’t like kids it’s just i don’t know how to cheer a kid up or what can i do for a baby?
However, lately i’m loving babys in the ward, they are the most precious, gorgeous and pretty little thing, they have the tinnies hands and feet, if you notice closely they already have fingernails too. Their cries can be terrifying but that is probably the only way to get your attention and your decrease of sleeps lol, but i know al these are worth it, isn’t it all these new mothers or already mothers out there.
My topic today is aread the pregancy and midwives, i’ve been meeting young mum as young as 17 and mums who are already having their third, it’s increadable how much pain they have to go through in the time of pregancy, and how much pain they have to suffer just to have the pregancy, i tell ya nothing comes easy. I take my hat off to all these mother outside, including my own mother, mum out there, i think all women should turn to sea horses, so they can give their babies to the males and let them feel how painful it is to have a baby growing inside of you. lol.. not to say that most male out there isn’t any good father out there, just that some male don’t really appriciate how much the women has to go through to bring a new life into this world.
Midwives, i have to say they are angels brought from heaven, without them i don’t think any mothers can handle their kids, no affence to any celebreties, but the ones who don’t know how to handle their kids i think they must have missed out talking to their midwives. Just observing every day life of a midwife is amazing, they help the mothers to bring their baby to this world, then teach them how to breast feed, teach them how to change nappies, and most of all teach mothers to understand what their babies want, it is great to actually have someone who has gone through the same thing and explain to them that what they feel is actually normal.
I’m not sure where my path will lead, but i would love to spread my wings to become a midwife, coz i think the world needs more midwives so that more mothers understand how to teach their kids to grow up and become the best of their best.
Bless these midwives, and mothers out there, they are trully are remarkable people.
cheers.
Hey all
I wanted to share something with all, this thought was running through my head while i was on the train to city to see my bf.
I have my P exam very soon and i am very worried about it, i really want to pass it so i can drive to work, while thinking i looked up and i see many people on the train, through the window i saw a beautiful sky and the city looked just as beautiful as the sky, and i thought to myself, why am i worried about a small test when my life is so wonderful, i have my parents, i have my bf and friends around me, study is like it always been and life can’t get any better, i feel like i’m wasting time thinking about some test when i can enjoy my life to the fullest and remember all the memories in my life.
However, i don’t want to sound so high up, or so up myself, i do think about these people who are not able to even have such a life like mine, they either too poor or their country don’t have much for them, the country i’m thinking about is Africa, they are suffering more AIDS each day, and these children who are so innocent yet still get AIDS from their parents, i don’t blame the children or the parents, i blame the world are so unfair and injustice why do i get all the glory and these kids don’t. The reason why i say this is because there was a concert held in a local church, the singers where little orphan kids from Africa, i couldn’t make it to the concert but i heard that they sang beautifully, such a voice, such inner beauty yet they were all AIDS suffers, i feel for them.
i am only a student so i can not afford much, but once i have enough money (estimate next year)i will donate money to the AIDS foundation and i will sponsor a child because i think the world needs our help to support these who can’t support themselves, i think what i’m getting at is, i’m not trying to persuade anyone to do anything, i just hope to ask more people give a little to these people who are in need of our help and i just want to share my happiness of this life with them, i want to shine some light to their life.
